True to form, the Hinkles were HEART-ing up the beach yesterday ❤️ I was in charge of making the hearts and Maddie wrote "Ollie" in each one. A couple walked by as we worked on our little Ollie/love project and I overheard the man say, "it says 'Ollie' inside." I LOVED hearing his name spoken ❤️ And there was something special about hearing someone who never had the chance to meet him say it... He said it in a way that made me feel like he knew that what Maddie and I were doing meant a lot to us. I can't explain it. Ollie, Ollie, Ollie ❤️
I think most, if not all, parents can agree that the holidays are SO much more fun once you have kids. And I bet many angel parents would agree, the holidays can be a little rough after losing a child. I can't imagine having to face these dates without Maddie, and Annie has brought joy back to the holidays. Joy! After Ollie passed and until Annie was born, I wasn't sure if "joy" would ever accurately describe anything pertaining to my life again... "happiness" yes, but I was carrying too much pain from now on to ever feel "joy" again. And, yet, there's still this more pronounced feeling that something/someone/Ollie is missing when a holiday rolls around. We had such a fantastic time today... "Easter Eve", as Maddie called it ❤️ We went to celebrate some friends' birthdays and had an egg hunt, we came home and dyed Easter eggs, we celebrated my nephew's birthday which meant fun with cousins, and we did my family's Easter after that. Busy day! A wonderful, busy day, full of laughter and love. But, then once the busy day slowed down, it began to sink in. And at our last stop of the day, my Grandma's house, I was meeting my brother's girlfriend's 19 month old son for the first time... His name is Ollie. Sigh... pit in my stomach... a little harder to catch my breath. But, this Ollie has this gorgeous bright red hair, big brown eyes, and he's sweet as can be. And right when I decide it's actually very nice to have this happy little Ollie hanging around, I look up and see a big, beautiful heart reflecting onto the ceiling ❤️ And the anxiety melts away. After Annie went to bed tonight, Maddie and I were decompressing on the couch and she told me that she really missed our Ollie. "I miss him because he was so funny and he had all his funny performances. And if he was here right now, I'd be laughing with him and kissing him and kissing him and kissing him." ❤️ "Me too, Maddie, me too." ❤️
On January 3, 2013, my 1 yr old son, Ollie, passed away. That's where my life "before Ollie" ends and my grief journey begins... My new normal, my path toward healing, my life "after Ollie". I'm a grieving mother who believes in hope. This is my story.